


A poisoned heart

by TonyStankandPetieBoi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: BAMF Sam Winchester, Crying Sam Winchester, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Guilty Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Cuddling, Protective Dean Winchester, Season/Series 08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:53:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23478793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonyStankandPetieBoi/pseuds/TonyStankandPetieBoi
Summary: sam gets poisoned and dean has to save him and they fix their broken relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic so go easy on me!!  
> This is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done, i hope i’m not and awful writer.  
> I love sam and i felt like season 8 really needed fixing so this is how i feel things should have happened.  
> If you feel like leaving kudos you’d make my day.

The wind whipped his hair into his eyes, he didn’t really have the energy to move his arm though to push it back behind his ear. The claw marks ran deep into the muscle of his bicep and his forearm. Dean occasionally glanced over, but the concern in his face was light, barely there. Ever since coming back from purgatory, they were distant, enough that it would have been noticeable even to the squirrel he had seen scurrying through the leaves on the side of the road.

Dean was always quick to pass judgement, he had never stood a chance of telling the truth not with what dean had become. Hardened and sharp edged by his time in purgatory, he looked ready to kill, almost as if expecting sam to turn into a vampire, lunge at him and sink his fangs into his jugular. Sam sat with his head resting on the door jamb, he slowly shut his eyes and welcomed the blissful darkness that was sleep.

He woke up to the sun beating down on his face, his eyes were instantly drawn to the empty driver seat. He lifted his hand to brush his hair out of his eyes, his stiff muscles making themselves known through the crippling cramp that passed through his arm.  
He gasped in pain and grabbed his arm with his good hand, digging his fingers in to loosen the muscles and alleviate the mind numbing pain.

His brain working through the endless possibilities of why dean was no longer sat next to him. He was jerked from his thoughts when the passenger side door was flung open and he would have fallen to the cold hard ground if not for the strong muscled hands that gripped his biceps to keep him in place. But the hands soon disappeared leaving just air in their place.” We’re in room number five, the bags are already inside, i suggest you get some sleep i found us a case, we’re leaving in the morning”.

He swung his long legs out of the car and dropped his feet to the ground, he grabbed the side of the door to push himself up. He could hear the disturbing crack in his knees and hips when he stretched them. He swayed slightly as soon as he was stood up, he righted himself quickly slammed the door shut and stumbled his way into the motel .

When he got inside he was greeted with the bathroom door slamming shut as dean locked himself in. Soon after he heard the shower start, usually sam would kill for a shower but right now he could care less. Standing upright so far was a challenge for him, all he wanted was blissful sleep. 

He peeled off his jacket and flannel and t-shirt, he pulled off his shoes and shrugged his jeans down his legs, he stumbled over to his duffle bag, and rooted around until he found some sweatpants and a t-shirt. Quickly pulling them on he searched for the painkillers in his duffel and dry swallowed two, willing them to ease the pain. He wasn’t really with it he just let his sleep heavy legs pull him towards the bed, he dropped himself down pulled up the covers and rested his weary head on the pillow letting sleep carry him away.


	2. Chapter 2

He woke up to the sun shining through the curtains, his arm ached and he silently cursed the sun from ruining his short lived sleep. The other bed was empty , dean’s duffle bag still sat at the end, sam wouldn’t admit to it but in the short time he had seen the bed empty his mind immediately dreaded that dean had left him in some no name motel. The duffle bag offered him comfort, because in truth it meant ‘dean had stayed’ , sam was glad though dean hadn’t been here when he woke up. Sam didn’t think he could live with the disappointment in dean’s eyes first thing in the morning. He heaved himself into an upright position on the side of the bed, burying his head in his hands between his knees. 

He let the sadness wash over him in waves, he wished somehow that he had the courage to speak up to dean and tell him the truth about his year alone. He desperately needed to see the trust in dean’s eyes, the unconditional love, not barely restrained anger and disappointment. He pushed up from the bed, steadying himself when he swayed, grabbed his duffle bag and dragged himself to the bathroom. He shut the door, dropped his duffle under the sink and stared into the mirror , his eyes were sunken in and his face was pale and drawn. 

He peeled his clothes off and dropped them next to his duffel, he turned the shower on and stepped in letting the warm water sooth his aching muscles. He let his gaze wander down to his forearms, and to the scars that adorned them. They were faint now running lengthways down his arms, but they were a symbol of his broken heart. The time when he gave up, when the pain and loneliness was too much to bare. But to him it felt like nothing had changed, he still felt lonely and the pain he felt from that look in dean’s eyes killed him. The water ran cold against his skin shocking him awake from the nightmarish flashback.

He stepped out onto the cool tile, and rustled through his duffle for some clothes, he pulled them on and brushed his teeth, with his duffle in hand he pushed the door open fully expecting dean to be sat on one of the beds eating some sort of heart attack inducing piece of food. But when he stepped into the room, dean wasn’t there, a bag was sat on the table the smell of donuts wafting through the air and a note stuck to the table. He dropped his bag by his bed and walked to the table, he picked the note up and started to read “ got breakfast, gone out back soon” 

Sam wasn’t hungry, he picked the bag up and dumped the donut in the bin. He sat on his bed , ready to wait for dean to return. He didn’t know how long it had been before the door finally opened and dean walked through, sam was happy but it was short lived. Dean snatched his duffel from his bed and walked to the door “ we’re going get your bags, be in the car in five or i’m leaving you here”.

Sam looked out the window, he watched the trees go by and wondered if he and dean would ever be ok. Dean barely ever talked to him and when they were in the bunker, they always went to their separate rooms. There was a big bridge between them, the tension in the air palpable. Dean hadn’t told them where they were headed, but sam didn’t have the courage to speak up and ask. After a while he could feel his eyes drooping and he rested his head against the door, sleep came quickly.

When he woke up the car had stopped, they were parked in the car park to another no name motel. Dean was still in the car this time but quickly exited heading for the front desk, sam slowly left the car, taking extra care to stretch his sore muscles. He walked to the end of baby, popped the trunk and hefted his duffle onto his shoulder and waited for dean to return, dean was hunched over cut off face devoid of emotion. He snatched his bag from the trunk slammed it shut and walked to away in the direction of the motel room, sam dutifully followed in line. He followed dean in, dropped his duffle at the end of the bed dean copying his movements. Dean didn’t look at him as he walked past him on his way out of the motel room “ going to a bar, don’t wait up”.

Sadness forced its way back into his soul, when the door to the motel room shut. The sound still ringing in his ears, he couldn’t do this anymore, but the thought of committing suicide was unfathomable. The thought of leaving dean alone , made him sick. Nausea fighting it’s way into his stomach, he sat on the edge of his bed. Lost as to what to , he settled in for an early night. Peeling off his clothes and pulling on sweatpants and a t-shirt he crawled into bed. When his head hit the pillow, he didn’t fall asleep instantly, but instead he felt as if he were stuck in one moment, helpless against the tears that fell unbidden down his cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3

By morning dean still hadn’t returned, sam had come to the conclusion that dean had either pulled an all-nighter or that he had gone home with a woman he had met in a bar. Sam decided he would make it his mission to find dean, he pulled himself up and stalked to his duffle and got on with his morning routine, considerably slower than the last morning. When he was finished, he stood in the middle of the room and had to spend a minute building up the courage to find dean.

When the door to the motel room shut behind him he surveyed the parking lot, however it was vacant of the impala. He had already searched on his phone for all the bars in the town they were staying at, he immediately decided that dean would be found in the rattiest of all of them. He walked down the road, past all the shops and he could see the bar and to his delight baby was parked outside. When he got to the door, he took a deep breath and stepped inside. The bar was fairly full, but not too full that he couldn’t see where dean was. He spotted him in the corner of the bar by the pool table a group of girls with skimpy clothing surrounding him. Dean looked completely pissed, but nowhere near close to have drunken to much. He wasn’t smiling, his face looked sad and heart broken, the girls around him doing nothing to fill the empty space inside his soul. 

Sam carefully approached him, expecting to be told to leave dean alone. Dean didn’t notice him when he stood in front of the pool table so sam spoke up “ dean, can we talk?”  
Dean glanced up his green eyes flashing with something akin to hate, and he uttered the words sam dreaded the most “ No, there’s nothing to talk about. Get a drink, whatever i couldn’t give a crap just leave me alone”. sam then took it upon himself to do just that, he stumbled to the bar and put his hand up, ushering the bartender towards him. “ jack and coke, two thirds jack, one third coke”  
The bartender gave him a sympathetic smile and turned to grab a glass, sam wouldn’t have seen it he stood no chance but when the bartender had turned around, his eyes flashed black for a second. He placed the glass down, but when sam looked away to survey the bar, the demon dropped a black substance into his glass , he quickly filled it up and pushed it toward sam. Sam chugged it so fast, he should have thrown up but he just shook the cobwebs from his mind and turned around to stumble back towards dean.

Dean was still in the same place, the girls had all but scattered leaving dean to his glass of whiskey and his thoughts. Sam stumbled up to him and tapped him on the shoulder, dean didn’t look at him. It broke sam in two, to know that dean couldn’t bare to look at him. When he spoke it was so quiet, dean had to strain to hear him “ dean, i’m sorry, please can we go to the motel, i have to explain some things?”  
He was so scared of what dean would say, he was overcome with dizziness and he stretched a hand out to lean on the pool table. “Yeah, we can talk but there isn’t anything you could say right now to make me trust you”

Dean stood up and exited the bar at no point did he look at sam, he just expected sam to follow, which he did all be it shakily and he had to stop to lean on tables as he walked past. When he stepped through the door into the fresh air, the dizziness hit him at a new level. His knees threatened to plant him on the floor, and black spots were dancing in the edges of his vision. He could see dean in front of him, he reached out a hand and placed it on dean’s shoulder , using it to keep himself upright. He could no longer stand by himself, dean the only thing stopping himself from falling to the floor. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, air no longer reaching his lungs, and he was too warm. He used his free hand to pull at the neck of his shirt, but no matter how much he pulled he still couldn’t breathe.

Dean pulled back, taking away sam’s support, the mistake was deadly, sam toppled forward his face smashing into the pavement. He gasped, but he couldn’t breathe, he grasped weakly at the pavement “ dean, help me”  
Dean gripped sam’s shoulders and pulled him up until he was leaning unsteadily against dean’s side “ what’s wrong sammy? Come on, you gotta breathe, tell me sammy” sam smiled weakly but it didn’t reach his glazed over eyes “you don call me sammy any mo” sam stared briefly at deans face before his eyes rolled back in his head and his full weight collapsed into dean’s arms. The last thing he heard as he slipped into the welcoming darkness was the faint sound of dean shouting “ sammy!”


	4. Chapter 4

When sam woke up, he could breathe again, but he felt sore all over and it took a tremendous effort to open his heavy eyelids.  
When they opened he realised that he was only in his boxers and he was laying on his bed in the motel. Dean was sat in a chair by the side of his bed, he was looking at him with concern and his eyes shone with guilt. “ what happened?” Croaked sam, “ you were poisoned, after you collapsed on me, this demon came up to me and told me what he’d done, he made me give him the demon knife or he wouldn’t give me the antidote”  
“ i had to strip you down, because you were burning up, i saw the scars sammy, i’m sorry , you have to tell me what happened”

Sam couldn’t look up, a tear fell down his cheek but the words were spoken “when you disappeared, everyone was gone, everyone we knew was dead, dad, mum,bobby,ellen,jo, pastor jim, caleb, castiel was sucked into purgatory too and crowley kidnapped kevin, i had no leads , and there was nothing i could do. I looked , i tried so hard, but i came up with nothing, I didn’t know what to do! I had lost you again, I couldn’t do it, i thought you were dead, I thought you’d gone to heaven”

More tears slipped down Sam’s cheeks, and his chest shook with uncontrollable sobs “if i were stronger, if I hadn’t lost everything that mattered to me , I probably could have held on, but i’m not , i wasn’t. So i gave up, i packed up all our stuff into baby and parked her outside Rufus’s cabin, and i sat outside, and i slit my wrists, i let myself die, but it didn’t work, amelia she found me unconscious barely alive, and she dragged me to the hospital. She helped me, we’d both lost someone, so we helped each other live, i owe her my life.” 

“I’m sorry, dean, please forgive me, i’m sorry! “  
Sam was a mess tears falling down his cheeks, he curled around himself the pain in his heart unbearable as he shook violently. Dean’s heart broke watching sam fall apart before him, he kicked his shoes off and shucked his flannel, climbing up onto the bed he curled his arms tightly around his sammy, “ shhhh, shhhh, it’s ok sammy, don’t cry, i’m here, i’m not mad , please don’t cry sammy, i’m sorry.” A tear slipped down his cheek and he dropped his head and kissed the top of sams head, pulling him in even tighter. Sam rested his head against dean’s chest as he sobbed, dean held him until his sobs faded and he fell into a restless sleep, he fell asleep with his head rested on the pillows and his sammy safe in his arms, he had a lot to make up for, and he vowed to fix sammy, it would be a long road but, he was gonna do things right this time, he wouldn’t fail his sammy.


End file.
